Thursday, September 29, 2011

Fiber Fest, as told by the accurate & truthful orator of our generation, Crystal Sutliff

Four score and 7 years ago we discovered & planned a trip to Alleghan County fiber fest. We being Amy & myself, Crystal. Through snow or sleet or rain...we cared not, we were going. Then we sobered up and realized we had stolen the postal workers motto and we were not going to be able to make it that first year.

Well one year turned into about a hundred, but finally..yes, finally our time had come. We were on our way. Suzy, Joe, Amy & myself…Oh & our handy dandy pic-a-nic basket booboo.

Laura White & Laura White...yes you read that right...there are two of em with the same name...sister in laws. Such a simple thing but it amuses me anyhow. So Laura and Laura were going in a separate car and not that one...the other one, was coming home with us.

As usual our early morning start turned into more like mid-morning start and we were running behind. It didn’t help that I forgot the damn bread and our main dish for our pic-a-nic was tuna sammies…argh I rock!

People driving in front of me were a pain and were banished forever from attending fiber festivals by my forthright decree of "No Fiber for you"! I meant it then and I mean it now...harsh I know but what is a girl wanting to sniff fiber to do I ask you?

So there we were stopping every five minutes for breaks. We are sooo big on taking breaks. We have even been known to take breaks from taking breaks. We were planning on taking a break mid fest and set up our chairs and have a loooooovvvveeeelllllyyyy pic-a-nic and maybe knit a bit and have a high ole time. What a bunch of rubes. First off, totally my fault, we weren't staying over cuz I made the mistake of accepting an obligation for Sunday and so we could not stay over on Saturday. However, I never take responsibility when I can pass it off on someone else and so blame the rest of this band of merry fiber feelers for being heavy drinkers and not having the money to pay for their share of the hotel due to excessive drinking.

So back to where I was, I could complain all damn day about those women and their liquor.

Oh, I forgot we stopped at a yard sale when we were almost there and I scored THE cutest purple knit carrier bag…adorable (I am singing this part, your loss that you cannot hear me, I sound just like a nightingale, sort of).

Anyhow, three women and one man enter the hallowed grounds of FiberFest. The angel of the Lord appeared unto them and said Blessed are you…wait…wrong story…No angels just an old man with a fanny pouch asking us to pay either our first born or 5 dollars each to get in. I said my first born was 31 and they could have him, to which he snottily replied that the cut off for taking ones children was 30, just give me the 5 bucks lady and quit being a cheapskate. I promptly smacked him with some inferior yarn and yelled I thought old men in fanny packs were supposed to be nice so you don’t laugh at them and we roared off to get lost in the festival. We got out of the van and Suzy smacked me in the back of the head for being a smart mouth and Amy tripped me for almost getting us kicked out. Joe didn’t do anything, he was still grumbling I never wanted to come, I knew this was a mistake.